Tuesday, January 08, 2019

Another year beginning, with changes galore for me coming up.  The picture was taken by the waitress at the WACO,  where I was surprised by a birthday breakfast on the 4th.  Years ago I would have been mortified, but this new group of friends has changed me.  To say I was delighted would be an exaggeration, but I was pleased and happy to be acknowledged by these recent additions to my life.  They are wonderful, and I am made new by them.

The next change will be my place of residence.  This time, unless something changes drastically in the next few weeks, I am really going to move.  Thanks to my new caseworker from DHCS, I have been approved to move into a senior (!) facility across town.  It's the same one I thought I was going to go to before, but found was too small.  This social worker, Amanda, has talked the necessary authorities into giving me a bigger, 2-bedroom apartment with special dispensation to have dogs, cat, and birds along with me.  This comes just as leaks have appeared in almost every ceiling in this house.  My chickens will be living down the street with Jim.

This will be a huge move for me since I have become so attached to this house and my life in it.  Until now I haven't been able to detach myself from it, and there is still time.  However, my rental assistance is sure to stop once the various leaks are discovered.  That gives me extra incentive because I don't want to argue with Sue about it.  I know she will resist or refuse to make the necessary changes.  I will never think ill of her because she has given me this life I've led here.  For all intents and purposes it has been MY house.  I've been able to indulge my every whim without complaint from her.  She hasn't raised my rent since 1998.   I will be sad to leave..very sad.  But I have to face the fact that I am old.  It will be good to not worry about shoveling snow, mowing the lawn, checking the furnace.  I will have no heating bills, no trash pick up or water bills or electric bills.  I will be warm.  For all intents and purposes, I will not live the life of a poor person.  Will I know how to do it?  I've been poor since my husband moved out of our family house in Bangor. I grew up poor, had a few years of somewhat comfortable financial means when I married and worked as a social worker.  Then I was a single mother, a student, an artist.  Scrimping and making do have been my life.  Never have I regretted not having money.  I have seen it as an evil influence on the human psyche.  I wear my poverty like a badge, obnoxiously and with pride.  I suppose I will still be poor, but creature comforts will be the "givens" in my life.  How will I handle it?

Well, that remains to be seen.

Friday, November 16, 2018

First Snow, good-bye David.

It isn't a huge snow, but unusually early.  Here in New England we are getting the flip side of global warming.  I'm not going to talk about that because there's nothing to say.  Like so many other species, we have used up our environment.  Like so many other very successful species, we are doomed to extinction.  Well, that's nature.  I'm glad I got to experience life as a human being.  I'm also glad I have no grandchildren.

David is dead.  It's been a couple of weeks now.  He has been sick for a long time with cancer getting worse and worse.  By the time he died he was not the man I knew when I met him so long ago.  He wasn't the guy who was my best and closest friend for so many years.  I have only to read my old blog entries to remember the huge part he played in my life.  We were inseparable.  I had so many experiences I never would have had, because of him.  My life in Eastport was, for years, my life with him. As so often happens with those kinds of relationships, everything changed when he met Thom.  I expected our friendship to change dramatically, and it did.  Nevertheless, I have still been part of David's life peripherally.  Thom has tried his best to find a place for me in their life with some success.  I admire him for that and am grateful.  I will miss David, but no more than I have missed him for the past many years.

Bye, David.  I loved you.

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

The Mural, and Patrick, on my Mind

It seems like this mural is going to take forever, but we are making progress.  My partner has gone to Venice with a friend (who can blame him?) so I am working alone for a couple of weeks.  One of those weeks has already gone by and I have only ventured over to the house once. Patrick has been sick, which has taken up all of my attention.  He is almost recovered now, but he is 16 years old and I can't expect much of him.  I used a lot of my pay for the mural to pay vet bills, but I certainly don't regret it.  I'm happy that I had the money.  It's hard to think about Patrick dying.....he has been my baby since Lytton died.  As his time approaches, I think about getting another dog, which I will surely do.  Why I let myself in for the pain, I will never know, but I will.  I read a story a few years ago in a magazine written by a man whose dog had just died.  He said that getting a puppy is the first step- toward devastation.  How true that is, and yet I know I will do it.  I still haven't been able to bring Lytton's ashes home..even thinking about it still makes me cry.........yet never once have I regretted having him.  The same will be true of Patrick.  I try to prepare myself, but I know I can't.

Thursday, September 13, 2018

The Mural

We have slowly made progress on the mural.....actually a little more than the picture shows.  The job is getting a little tedious, and I look forward to getting it done.  It is a big, somewhat tedious job and I can only hope that the money we earn will make it worthwhile.  Payment has not been discussed since our patron gave us a down payment before we began.

Jim and I have evolved into a partnership where our individual strengths are maximized.  He does the drawing on the wall in pencil.  I paint the general scene, then he follows with the details.  I sometimes have to reign him in or he would be painting the keyholes on the doors of the buildings.......but he agrees that he needs that reminder.  He keeps me from being too lackadaisical. We were hired to do a rather "whimsical" painting of the town, not a photo-realistic representation.  We are generally having a good time and end each day with a mutual admiration session.