I was quite interested in trying to paint from some old photographs that Kendall has of her family, so she lent me this one. Painting in black and white proved to be much more difficult than I imagined. At first I thought I wasn't going to be able to do it satisfactorily, but after several days of trying and failing, I finally seemed to get the hang of it. The next challenge was to get some kind of likeness of the five people. I'm sure each person was never so closely examined during their lifetime as what I have done in the past few weeks. It is such an intriguing process that never fails to fascinate and entertain me. After looking at someone's picture for some time, I begin to feel as if I know them. This sometimes leads me to believe that I know what they look like more than the camera does, so I have to keep checking to make sure I stay focused. I name them and talk to them as I work and am constantly amazed at how easily a likeness can be lost and found and lost again with the slightest mark of the brush. It's necessary to remember that I am trying to represent a person and not create a person. Looking at the photograph of the painting gives me another perspective, and I am now not sure of how well I have done that. Have I painted them, or have I painted somebody else..........or nobody else?
Patrick continues to recover from his strange illness. He seems even happier than before, which makes me wonder if he may have been sick for a long time and I didn't realize it. Or it could be that the medication he's on is working as some kind of mood altering drug. In any case, I have ceased to worry that when I wake up in the morning he may be dead. Since the cause of his problem is still a mystery, I can't relax completely, but so far everything is going well. I'm still living in the never-never land that fear of losing him has imposed on my psyche. I must say I am settling into it, shuffling through each day rather aimlessly, oblivious for the most part to any bigger picture than what is right in front of me.