Thursday, November 26, 2015


Interestingly, to me, the memory of thanksgiving that pops up first is one that took place sometime in the 80's.  It was unusually warm with no snow, like today.  Before I began to cook the meal, Phil and I decided to go out to Trahfo Farms and take a short horseback ride.  I doubt that this picture was taken on that day, but it was somewhere near it.  My beautiful BJ.

The older I get, the more difficult I find it to make the present take precedence over the past.  I wish I could muster the philosophy of my old friend Thelma, who at 89 told me that she never looked back.  As far as I know, she lived in the present until the day she died.  Her last project was to figure out how she could carry her oxygen tank and use her walker at the same time when she drove to the grocery store.  She experimented with various methods until she designed a cart that worked for her and was easy enough to get in and out of the car.  It doubled as a portable easel so she could still paint outside.  How can I not think of her and look back with longing?

Well, I try to focus on my life now, which in many ways is the best and easiest time I have ever had.   The context of my life is steady.  I am content.  Therein lies the dilemma of the manic-depressive on medication, the one who misses those extremes and longs for euphoria and pain.  Though I have never been diagnosed as manic depressive (as far as I know), I understand the pull, the desire to feel life large.

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