Final Version?

I have been fussing with this portrait for the last two days and finally think I have it the way I want it. I'm not sure it is any better than it was after the first day--just different. It looks more like me now, but has lost some of its drama. It also grew bigger. It was already bigger than life, but now it is even more so. The canvas is 16x2o, and it fills up the whole thing. I once knew a portrait painter who said you should never make a face bigger than 3/4 life size. I think it's probably a good idea, but I break that rule most of the time. I'm not sure why. It's not intentional. I just forget to think about it. I'm looking at the picture as I type.........man does that barrette look real!

The original painting was in acrylic, and now the finished product is in water-based oil. I changed mainly because I didn't think I had enough ultramarine blue paint left in acrylic to work on it much more. Every time I use the oil, though, I really like it. There is a quality about it that is quite different from acrylic in that you can blend on the canvas indefinitely. It doesn't dry the way acrylic does. On the other hand, that is also its drawback. After a few layers of paint it all starts to mix together and you can't paint over what you've done. Changing things then becomes a big problem. Well, they each have their own advantages. It's a question I ponder uselessly over and over. Which do I like better? As if I had to decide.

So far my appetite has not changed at all with the pills I'm taking. Of dourse it's only two days, but I thought that at least the placebo effect would kick in right away. This morning I weighed more than I have in weeks after eating dinner with Elizabeth and Dominic last night. We had steak, potatoes, salad, and brownies. Where could I skimp? Maybe I'll have better like next week. 

Friday

I read this quote on another blog that I just discovered (a cousin of Thom, I think). It's from a book she has: I'm not okay, you're not okay, and that's okay. I love it.

Otherwise I'm too lazy to write anything right now. Ann gave me some pills today that are supposed to supress my raging appetite. I'm going to take one as soon as I have some ice cream. I don't want to take the chance that I won't enjoy it.

Another Shot of the Same Painting

 

Self Portrait

Art day today found me in the mood for a self portrait. I have done so many over the years, but not recently. I must say that what I did is far from flattering, yet it is the way I see myself. I'm unkempt and thoughtful, looking inward.

This was done from a photograph I took a few weeks ago. I was coming downstairs and caught sight of myself in the mirror beside the front door. The sun was coming in through the window, lighting my face dramatically. I went for the camera and caught it, knowing that I would enjoy painting it. I did, too.

There was a lot of talk at Judy's about people "from away" and those who have always lived here. Outsiders vs. natives. It is a discussion I have had countless times in my life, with many different people. I managed to keep my temper, but it is so disconcerting that so many people feel superior to people less educated, less worldly, less intelligent, than they are. I suppose that I, too, feel superior in that I imagine I see both sides of the coin clearly. It is nonetheless difficult to hear my friends calling others stupid because they see things from a different perspective. I wish that they could at least admit that their view is an opinion and not a fact. I also resent being told what I think, or what I would do under certain circunstances. Luckily I was able to keep from feeling overly offended and simply kept most of what I was thinking to myself. It was a pleasure to be able to stay pretty much unemotional, not feeling compelled to put forth my opinions too strongly. In times past I would have come home upset and irritable. I have come to realize that it makes no difference what I think, or what they think either. Things are what they are. I am a Maine native, and that means something that people who are not can't understand. I believe we are the product of our environment, and that there is a uniqueness to different parts of the country, as well as the world. We judge others according to rules that they have not been participants in making, and were, in fact unaware of. And they judge us the same way. We are not speaking the same language. It is easier just to let it go.

I had my teeth cleaned today.