Monday, September 13, 2010


During the time I haven't had time to write, both of my kids visited, with their partners. I so rarely see them it was a great pleasure to have them here. Most of the time I feel like an isolated person with scant connection to other people, but their visits ground me and remind me that I once was in a traditional family....father, mother, son, daughter. We had a lovely middle-class house with a park across the street. We took trips to Disney World, we went camping, we picnicked. The kids participated in theater and music at school. Awards and drawings were posted on our refrigerator. We had teacher conferences and PTA. There were doting grandparents, birthday parties, dancing lessons, visits to relatives. There were costumes to make, school clothes to buy, family Christmases and thanksgivings. There were visits to the pediatrician, new bicylces, the latest toy. All that ended, not when the kids grew up but when life took an unexpected turn for us all........1985 crawled agonizingly to 1987 and a rebirth, a new life.

Looking back over the past is a little like remembering a fine dinner party. The food was delicious and satisfying. The company was compatible, the conversation stimulating. As time went on, though, you were beginning to feel uncomfortably full. You were getting tired. People were starting to drink too much, revealing sides of themselves you didn't really want to know. Leaving was troublesome and awkward, but you did it. The memory of the party soured, tainted by the discomfort of your going, and for awhile you forgot what fun the early part of the evening was. But time passes. You lose the bad and retain the good.

This is not to say that seeing the kids brings back anything unpleasant. To the contrary, it immortalizes all that once was good, and contributes to what still is.

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