I haven't gotten into a routine with this yet, and have neglected it for several days because I thought I was "too busy." Well, as I learned at art school, you can't wait for time or inspiration to motivate you to create. That muse has to be forcibly kidnapped and wrestled from the nowhere into the here. And so I return with renewed committment.
I went to the fourth of July fireworks after thinking I wouldn't. Since I didn't have any companions to go with, my auto-thinking kicked in and I didn't consider going alone until it started to get dark. At that point I realized that I wanted to go anyway. It was a relevation for me to experience the feeling that it was I who wanted to go rather than my melding with some other person or people with the communal desire. I have rarely, if ever, separated myself from the people around me enough to ascertain my individual opinion, so that it was with a heady sense of self that I strode downtown. The fireworks were beautiful and I was very aware of the enjoyment of being in the anonymous crowd, nevertheless united with it by a pure and simple focus. The rest of the world was suspended while we oohed and ahhed, whistled and yelled. Anything could have been happening anywhere as we ignored it all in favor of a sparkling summer sky. Boats circled the bay with sails stiff in the wind, and I imagined my landlord, JP, maneuvering the Sylina Beal as it went back and forth among the smaller craft. It provoked in me a kind of pride, as if I were somewhat set aside from the majority of the crowd because I knew him. I am a native of Eastport now, amongst outsiders. I will wave good-bye happily, and return to my little house while they clog the causeway on the way out of town. Jess and Sabrina had already left, and when I got home the house seemed quiet despite the throng of dogs that greeted me so enthusiastically. I felt content and at home.
Speaking of home, I guess I have decided to buy a house. The one I live in has been bought by the family that was so interested and who motivated me to make an offer. The offer was too low, and they outbid me by $13,000 dollars. Even though JP had told me that he would accept any offer from me over that of a stranger, he could not resist the extra money. He apologized profusely, but I never expected him to refuse a big offer. He may have expected it of himself, but I did not. So, I threw myself into the task of securing new digs.
My first move was to call Sue DePeters, my landlord of yesteryear whose house on Water St is for rent again. She was glad to hear from me and came down on the monthly rent so that I would move in. With that possibility as security, I looked at a house on Wilson St. that Will had mentioned to me when I was at the Real Estate office making the formal offer on this house. Phyllis was buying that house to fix up and resell.. Will and Lisa were to do the work and share the profit. The place has a great yard and a back deck, features I have come to love as I have rented this one. Sue's house has a very tiny yard and no place to sit outside if the mood should strike. Everything about the Wilson St house is, in fact, many times better than Sue's place and I fell in love with the idea.
Days went by while I struggled with the two alternatives. Financially, I would be much better off renting because I can get section 8 assistance. That house is an acceptable place to live. To return to the original place I moved to when I came to Eastport seemed almost prophetic. But if I bought a place I would be secure, wouldn't have to worry about uprooting myself again, and would have a fixed monthly payment to go along with my fixed income. I would probably enjoy being in the Wison St house enough to cure my wanderlust, since it has everything I have been looking for since I moved to Eastport.......a single house without fellow tenant or landlord problems, especially over the dogs and their behavior. The house is light and bright, a good size, and has a small water view. There is room for the chickens with two possibilities for a chicken house.
In order to make sure I could even consider the idea of buying, I applied for a low income HUD loan at the bank. Yesterday I received pre-approval. The news came shortly after my second positive decision to rent, and I almost immediately did a turnaround and have now decided to go ahead and leap into what is possibly a financial disaster for me. Sometimes I wish I were not such a risk taker, but on the other hand, I have had a varied an interesting life because I dared to make big changes. This is only the latest.